I like to tell people it was Thomas Jefferson who introduced Lillian and me. I knew about this gracious lady who was mayor of Colts Neck for many years, but I did not know much more about her other than she was a Monmouth County Freeholder and had been Mayor of Colts Neck and active in many different areas helping people in all kinds of situations.
When I went to a meeting of the freeholders and heard her speak, Lillian quoted Thomas Jefferson and said how important it was to stick to the ideals he had established.
As a Jefferson aficionado for many years, I was impressed by her ability to quote the third President. So I wrote her a letter congratulating her on being a freeholder and saying how I admired the fact she quoted Jefferson. She called me up and asked why I thought that was so good. I said I always loved Jefferson and think he’s the best President we ever had. She laughed and said, “So I guess we’ll be lifelong friends.”
And so we have been. Every April 13 since then, Lillian and I have met for lunch exchanged gifts and toasted the third President of the United States. While we also celebrate the Fourth of July, we do take a moment to observe his death on that date 50 years after signing the Declaration of Independence.
But I learned so much more about my new friend in the intervening years. I learned that if you gave her a cause, and she believed in it, you could pretty well count on it being accomplished. I learned that if you said something great about the US Navy, she might agree with you and even add something else. But then she would tell you something pretty spectacular about the Coast Guard and let you know that Don was a Coast Guard Captain. When she recommended me for my position on the Monmouth County Library Commission, she made it clear I would have to work at it, be knowledgeable about everything going on, and I better have good reasons to back up any suggestion I had. She also told me she felt confident I would follow my acts with personal fortitude and conviction. I hope I lived up to her expectations.
I learned how much she and Don loved Sandy Hook, how they would drive out there from Colts Neck, just for the beauty and historic significance of Fort Hancock. I learned she was on the 21st Commission and outspoken at every meeting. I learned she was just as active and outspoken on the Fort Monmouth Authority. I learned how she loved books and the importance of reading them. I learned that her granddaughter and grandson were the best grandchildren anyone, including me, could have. Yes, we did have arguments over that and in the end agreed they were all perfect. I learned that those three great-grandsons are the smartest, the best, the most adorable, the best brought up, and the most fantastic of any great grandchildren…including my own 13. Another friendly argument. But she always won.
It was easy to see how much she was in love with Don. It seemed they had the perfect marriage, Don taking all the ribbing he always took for being her chauffeur. But his genuine love for her surpassed any jokes he might have taken because of it.
And I learned the fun side of Lillian. She had fun when she was doing things for others, when she was helping a cause, protecting a veteran, advocating for a book or heck, even writing one about the historic sites in Colts Neck. But she also had fun sitting in Bahrs restaurant watching the seagulls perch on the pier; greeting the dozens of people who also ate there and always stopped at the table just to say hello. I learned that even when people she has worked with kind of cut her out of some things, she’d simply smile, nod, and go on her own way, confident in her own strong step, her own abilities to accomplish what she set out to do.
And I remember and so appreciate the impact Lillian had on teenagers. I would see her at MAST for every event they had, always calling aside a cadet or two to ask a question, compliment a uniform, or praise formation or drill. She inspired these teenagers, this little white-haired lady with the perfect make-up, the perennial smile, the inquisitive mind. She taught them to strive more, to be proud of themselves, and always treasure their memories. She promised them a new building to avoid those wintertime drills on Pershing Field, Hopefully one day that too will happen.
Lillian did not flaunt her religion; she simply practiced it every day in every way… She reached out to others and accepted with dignity any unhappiness or even illness that befell her.
Lillian Burry was truly Mrs. Monmouth County. But more than that, she was a dear, sweet, wonderful friend who put everyone ahead of herself. It was impossible to have a conversation with her without coming away from it just a bit smarter, a bit more thoughtful ,perhaps even a bit more open-minded.
My prayers and sympathy are with Don and Lenore and her husband Bob, Lenore, that incredible daughter who was always there to do her mom’s bidding, with Stephanie and James, Vito and Pamela, those fantastic grandchildren, with her sister Alba and Patrick and those greatgrandchildren Luca, Lorenzo and Rocco who brought her so much joy, The next generations have so many of Lillian’s fine qualities and excellence that indeed her spirit and charm will live forever. My prayers and sympathy to the friends and family who will miss her dearly. Today, the entire county is in mourning and one day, even more will be when everyone realizes that in the end there is really no one who can fill her shoes.
But my joy is with the fact she considered me her friend. And I will forever be grateful for that.
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